exorcism
what i'm feeling right now can't be effectively expressed in words or structured concepts but i have to get it out now because it won't come it when i have the ability to structure them
it's a wind that seems like a momentary gust, like i can just hold on for a little while and it'll pass, my grip can hold on for that long, but it doesn't let up, it maintains its intensity for so much longer than the energy of the universe should be able to sustain and you wonder if it's ever going to blow over
i have to be diligent and methodical and fasten my thoughts and beliefs to a secure foundation so they don't blow away, i have to lower the sails to keep them from being ripped to shreds by the gale
the winds are so strong that they can blow two unsecured thoughts together and make them fuse, creating connections that never would've arisen otherwise. if i am diligent and methodical i can separate them promptly, but if too many of them are fusing at once i'll inevitably miss some. they have a way of reinforcing themselves as habitual thoughts, your brain quizzes you on the connections you've confabulated until they embed themselves into the marrow of your bones and become core truths that you cannot imagine abandoning without losing yourself entirely. every time i catch one i wonder how many have slipped through